i'm baacckkk....

every time i think about me dressed up as anna nicole smith for our senior eco project i laugh out loud...

but yes i'm back. it feels good to be back and not only in the blog scene but in the texas scene. my last blog was last january after i had got married and moved up to branson, mo....wow that was a crazy year. i probably learned more about myself and my God in a year than i could of ever imagined. needless to say it was probably one of the hardest years of my life. and only a little bit had to do with being married or maybe all of it had to do with being married. all i know is that the Lord opened my eyes to a lot of things and i truly feel that my world is now more beautiful. it was hard as hell but i think He does that, through the dark, hard times if you let Him, He will make your world more beautiful.

my year at the Institute was not at all what i thought. first semester my anixety came back and i ended up missing a lot of class. plus i was still working as a barista (yeah i thats right i know how to make really good coffee) and i really was spreading myself thin. but i still learned a ton. i learned old testament history that no one had ever told me about, it blew my mind. that first semester i feel in love with the Word like i had never had.

one of the darkest times of last year for me is when i miscarriaged. i remember days before i found out i was pregnant i was telling God when josh and i should start having kids haha.i wanted to teach for a year or two and then it would be a good time. when i saw "pregnant" on the stick i freaked out. i got really depressed that day, i was just mad at God. telling people got me really excited though. and then God took the baby back up to Him. i've never cried like that. i gave myself probably the worse migraine known to man, josh almost took me to the er. it is really amazing how heartbreak like that brought josh and i closer. i remember taking a shower and just crying out to God to please bless me with another baby. i promised to react better. i almost heard Him say out loud, "cate please trust me. allow me to wow you with what i have in store for you". and He did wow me. a month later during the time where it is either really hard for you to get pregnant after a miscarriage or in my case really easy, He blessed us with another baby. of course i questioned Him again. are you crazy?? we can't have a baby. this isn't the right time. but thankfully He doesn't always listen to us.

two thousand and eleven has been a crazy year. finishing up at school was bittersweet. josh and i were ready for change. ready to be in texas closer to the ones we love. missing out on things going on in the lives of people i didn't want to miss, was harder than i thought. i cried a lot. but the Lord used the Institute to break me and mold me. and that i wouldn't take back, as hard as it really was. now we are back in texas both jobless, baby on the way and living with my parents. haha crazy. God seriously has a sense of humor.

i heard a pastor say, "i think it's so insane that Christians will trust Christ with their eternity but not their today." He just wants us to trust Him with our today. so that is where i'm at.